There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
