She said her name was "party"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
