We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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