i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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