I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
