My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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