This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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