They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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