My hair reeks of homosexuality.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
