Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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