Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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