There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
