When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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