Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
