Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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