im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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