we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
