well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
