Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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