why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
