he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
