piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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