Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize