Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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