the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize