Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
