I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
