I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
