At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
