i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
where are my eyebrows?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
