That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize