It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
