I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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