Little spoons don't ask big questions
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
