fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
