I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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