I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
