if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
