So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
