I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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