I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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