Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize