my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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