can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
