You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
