Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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