I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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