No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
