I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
