peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
