Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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