matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
