And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
