Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I skipped work to stalk him.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
