allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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