Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
