He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You pole danced in your parka.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
