i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
