Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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