i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize