Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
