Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
