You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
