It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize