so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
